History of China in 3 1/2 Minutes

“18 Mighty Mountain Warriors first music rap video surveying the history of China from prehistoric times to present day! Directed by Lushun Quon…Click on Youtube for other credits.

Text:

The story of China starts with Peking Man
He lived in Beijing he was a real caveman

Me caveman. Ug! Life just fine.

Until I came along.
Cro-Magnon?

Good bye. (Clubs Peking Man)

My people evolved near the Yellow River
Where we made lotsa silk from the lowly caterpillar
And started 3 dynasties, Hsia, Shang and Zhou
And then a cat came along his name was Lao Tzu
I taught a school of thought which I called “the Tao”
I wanna learn the Tao, can you please tell me how?
There’s nothing to learn. It’s the way of “no way”
Which way?
Wu Wei!
No way!
Yes way!
Next all of China learned to obey
The proper ways of acting when “Confucious Say.”
Levels of authority, morality, sincerity
Are taught to the masses and passed to posterity
The Tao, I Ching, and Confucious, la
Were bases of philosophy in old China.
Say, did you fellows forget about me?
You come later on.
Oops. Sorry.
With the Qin/Han dynasty peace came to all
What about the huns?
Arg!
Let’s build a great wall!
That kept out the huns, and things were real mellow
A silk road, paper money, and this old fellow
Hey guys, I’m back.
It’s Buddha.
That’s me!
I come from India with a new philosophy!
The next dynasties were Tang and Song
Things were invented like porcelain
Yay!
The printing press
Yay!
And gunpowder too.
Narrator: It came in with a bang.
Owch!
And just in time too.
We rulers were compelled to build the great wall longer
Cause the Mongols from the North, they were getting stronger
Our leader was Kublai, grandson of Ghenghis
We Mongols went to war
And the war went agin’ us.
They took over China
Our Dynasty wasYuan
And the Chinese people they shouted
KAHN!!
Hey, what’s the problem? Marco Polo liked us plenty
I stayed seventeen years, wrote a book, stole spaghetti
We kicked out all that Mongolian beef
Ow!
The Ming Dynasty was quite a relief
The best one of all, it was orderly too
’til some new rulers came
Manchu!
Bless you!
Now we were kinda shy, we closed China’s door
But we British kicked it open with the Opium War.
Say what? That’s drugs!
That’s right. Got a problem?
We’re gonna kick you out with the Boxer Rebellion.
Fat chance. Bang Bang. Our weapons are strong.
by the way, fuck you, we’re taking Hong Kong
The next 100 years got a little crazier
China became known as the “weak man of Asia”
We had a world war, the dynasties did end
we saw the last emperor, and the rise of Sun Yat Sen
To make a modern nation was my mission number one
But communism came
And me! I’m Mao Tse Tung.
My little red book led China’s evolution
Collectives, 5 year plans and the Cultural Revolution
Bai hua qi fang, bai jia zheng ming (Revolutionary Opera break in Rap)
The people really like me.
No we don’t.
Yes we do.
Well, I guess you are divided so I must bid adieu (Mao Tse Tung dies)
The death of Mao Tse Tung meant a change in China’s vision
I’m Deng Xiaopeng, father of commu-capitalism
I modernized China, increased its industrial might.
And Tiannamen Square?
Huh?
Human Rights!
China got stronger, took back Hong Kong and Macau
Gimme.
Produced great athletes.
Who’s that tall guy?
Yao.
But for economy number three, an easy time it ain’t
We put taikonauts in space, but on toys we put lead paint
We own half America’s debt, our need for oil is growing
Where all this will lead, there’s just no way of knowing
Napoleon once called China a giant not awake
Let the giant stay asleep else the world’s a-gonna shake